Let’s talk about our identity.
We meet someone new and they ask – so what do you do? We usually give our job title which doesn’t really answer the question but is the conventional way to respond.
I remember on an expedition trip around the Indian Ocean, and my ex-husband saying he was retired. I could see people switch off. He did so much more. He had such extensive knowledge of 17th century military and art history that he’d been mistaken for a member of staff at the Rijksmuseum as he talked next to a painting, and a large group formed. He was also a travelling ticket inspector on the local steam railway. He had a much better answer the next time someone asked him, after our informal coaching session.
Many of the people I work with are concerned about their identity if they retire. They identify so much with their work and continue working, often fulltime, or a volunteering role becomes like a job. They want to retain their work identity.
I’ve had people approach me to discuss later life coaching, many years past a conventional retirement age. Why leave the job that has meant so much in terms of our identity and self-worth and head towards uncertainty when we can postpone the decision. Eventually they realised that they continued working to avoid an identity crisis. But now they are ready to address this.
How do you experience retirement?
Let’s look at this more deeply.
Whilst retirement is predictable, individuals experience it in different ways. Retirement is an event that often brings about great changes in a person’s personal and social life. For many people, work was not only a way to fill time and earn money, but also important for their identity and meaning in life. After retirement, these benefits of work are lost. We lose status derived from the job, and there is also the loss of the meaning and purpose that we had gained from our work.
Others never signed up to a conventional approach to working with a series of freelance projects and adventures, and perhaps they never got around to saving for later life, so they will just carry on.
But they still may notice some changes.
Changes within ourselves … perhaps feeling more assertive and standing up for their needs. Perhaps noticing some changes in body and health.
Perhaps noticing the reactions of others – people are treating us a bit differently and although we don’t think we have changed, others may see us as old!!
With retirement comes the search for a new identity.
I’m reminded of something Groucho Marx said about not wanting to belong to a club that would have him as a member.
Do we want to belong to the club called retirement. Definitely not if it is full of negative images.
But we don’t need to call ourselves retired, and we can redefine it.
We need some positive role models, such as some of my active subscribers who can inspire others as to how wonderful later life can be.
We may like to properly let go of our old identity. In my book - Rethinking Retirement for Positive Ageing I write about how Arthur gave away all his suits and ties after leaving his office job. That would no longer be his identity, and Helen let go of her identity as a barrister, preferring to be seen as a local historian.
Many of the people reading this on Substack will also be writers and that could be your new identity, how you describe yourself. I’m a writer.
Or you may like to test out peoples’ reactions when you say you are a crone. I love that word and although it is often written about in negative terms (an old woman who may be characterized as disagreeable, malicious, or sinister in manner) it can also be thought of as a wise woman.
The need to look within
As we age it is even more important to understand the person that we are. Carl Jung has written much on later life including: “Looking outwards has got to be turned into looking into oneself. Discovering yourself provides you with all you are, were meant to be, and all you are living from and for.”
Before getting a new identity, we need to know who we are through self-awareness. Self-awareness is something that generally grows with age; we learn more about ourselves and have more confidence. Looking within means understanding more about your personality, values, passion. My research uncovered being proactive, optimism, self-esteem, self-efficacy, and mastery as aspects of ourselves that help us have a fulfilling later life.
What does it mean to be retired?
This is a question I cover with clients. We look deeply into this label alongside what gives them meaning. Like personal branding for a business, we spend time working out what retirement means to them, and how they will describe their current situation.
We don’t have to accept what anyone else says, we don’t have to go along with a description that has been created by others. We can choose our own, like a made-to-measure suit or pair of shoes.
Do you have any role models for after leaving full time work or any advice you would share with others. I’d love to read your comments below.
I’m not thinking of retirement!
And of course, the question might jar … so if you have no intention of retiring here are some suggestions for how to respond.
When will you retire? Are you retired?
There are so many questions others will ask of us. If you work from home, you probably have the flexibility to go to yoga classes, swim or play tennis during the day and people may assume you are retired; they seem to forget that since Covid many of us work from home and have flexible lives.
It’s easy to get defensive
When we are still full of joy and energy, we may take this question - when will you retire - to mean that the other person sees us as too old and any negative thoughts we have come into our head. Here are some suggestions on how you can respond. Have you/ would you use any of these? These all convey your enthusiasm for your career while gently steering the conversation in a positive direction:
Highlight Your Passion:
"I really enjoy what I do, so I'm not thinking about retirement anytime soon!"
"I'm still very passionate about my work, so I'm not planning to retire yet."
Emphasize Your Ongoing Contribution:
"I feel like I still have a lot to contribute, so I'm happy to keep working for now."
"There are still many projects I'm excited to be part of, so retirement isn't on my radar."
Shift Focus to Your Enjoyment:
"I love staying active and involved in my work; it keeps me energized."
"Work is still very fulfilling for me, so I'm not ready to retire yet."
Use Humour:
"Retire? I'm just getting started!"
"I can't imagine slowing down now; I'm having too much fun."
General Positive Outlook:
“I'm enjoying my career too much to think about retirement at this point."
“I find my work very rewarding, so I'm happy to continue for as long as I can."
These responses help convey your positive outlook on your career and subtly deflect the implication that you should be considering retirement. Do you have a different response? I’d love to hear from you.
And remember, they may not actually want to know. It’s just a standard question to ask older people like asking a teenager what they will study at university or what work they want to do.
Thought Activity
How do you describe yourself when people ask, ‘And what do you do?’ Are you happy to say you are retired, or semi-retired. Do you refer to your previous identity. Write it down, you may like to share here, and also consider if this is the right one for you; you can change it at any time.
OR which of the responses when you are not thinking of retirement is the one you are most likely to use?
Relevant reference articles (if you want to dig deeper)
Gaillard, M., & Desmette, D. (2008). Intergroup predictors of older workers’ attitudes towards work and early exit. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, 17(4), 450–481.
Guerriero-Austrom, M., Perkins, A.J., Damush, T.M., & Hendrie, H.C. (2003). Predictors of life satisfaction in retired physicians and spouses. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 38, 134–141.
Jones, I.R., Leontowitsch, M., & Higgs, P. (2010). The experience of retirement in second modernity generational habitus among retired senior managers. Sociology, 44(1), 103–120.
Michinov, E., Fouquereau, E., & Fernandez, A. (2008). Retirees’ social identity and satisfaction with retirement. The International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 66(3), 175–194.
Savickas, M.L. (2005). The theory and practice of career construction. In S. D. Brown & R. W. Lent (eds.), Career Development and Counseling: Putting Theory and Research to Work (42–70). Wiley, Hoboken, NJ.
Stephan, Y., Fouquereau, E., & Fernandez, A. (2008). The relation between self-determination and retirement satisfaction among active retired individuals. The International Journal of Aging and Human Development, 66(4), 329–345.
Szinovacz, M.E., & De Viney, S. (1999). The retiree identity: Gender and race differences. Journals of Gerontology: Series B: Psychological Sciences & Social Sciences, 54B, S207–S218.
Wang, M. (2007). Profiling retirees in the retirement transition and adjustment process: Examining the longitudinal change patterns of retirees’ psychological well-being. Journal of Applied Psychology, 92, 455–474.
Just thought I would add that retirement is not a single entity. If you are lucky to last long enough, it has a number of phases depending on health, health conditions, relationships, changing interests etc.
It’s incredibly important to stay resilient and adaptive in order to continue getting the best life you can!
I’ve added a link at the end to a poem I wrote about a recent group holiday in the Veneto. I think it’s fair to say that not everyone enjoyed full mobility but everyone had a great time overall even if sometimes they may have had to work at it 😊
https://bridgetpratt.substack.com/p/why-would-we-allow-a-little-thing?r=1v0ed8
This is right on, Denise! The hardest part of retiring for me was losing the part of my identity that was job-related. I thought long and hard about who I was without the job, had a plan in place before I retired, and transitioned easily into my new identity. A friend/former co-worker is now starting to think about her retirement and actually said to me just the other day, "But who am I if I don't do this job?"