Do you have a fear of ageing?

I’m full of joy and excitement to share this first post and it might not be perfect, but that’s okay. Too many of us spent too long waiting for the right time, and only now, looking back can we see the missed opportunities. I would love people to read this and think, this speaks to me but as with everything, it can take time to grow and find our voice in a new situation.

I was told I should be my authentic self, and I’m not sure I could be anything else. I want to live my life. I want to share thoughts I think will be helpful with people. I want to encourage people to see a life ahead as a time of joy and meaning. That was one of the reasons for doing research and getting my Doctorate at 64 and why I continue to research and write on retirement and meaning in later life.

I’m 66 and every day I’m a little bit older, and I’ll never be as young as I am today. So many people fear aging, but what’s to fear? If we don’t age it means we are no longer here. I’m sure like me you have lost people, taken far too young, and unexpectedly. That’s why its important to live our life with joy and meaning.

So, what do people fear most? This is something I’ll be exploring through my writing along with rethinking retirement, meaningful lives and elderhood, elder wisdom and legacy.

What do we fear most?

Is it about losing visibility/ desirability? People may say that they seem to be ignored. We are no longer seen as attractive to others. We perhaps strike up a conversation and realise we are no longer seen as a sexual being, our age is what stands out most.

Is it the challenge of ageism and the struggle to get another job or be seen as still relevant in your organisation.  Whilst the Government talks about getting more older people into the work place; that hasn’t filtered through to all in recruitment. Should we have to downplay our achievements or settle? Or stay resilient over continued rejection.

Is it about our changing body and changing health and mobility? We are noticing the occasional twinge, and maybe we are having to take medication. Does this make us want to focus on our health, we aren’t going to give in, or perhaps to accept this and begin to step back from some of the things we did.

Can we see the end and wonder if we made the most of our life and have regrets? We should have … we could have … and we think it is too late. But is it really too late?

It could be any of these things, or all, or maybe something else.

We maybe losing confidence, and no longer want to go out at night, so our life gets smaller. I have a male friend, same age as me who will no longer go to gigs as he doesn’t want to drive at night. What brought on this change?

I’m 66, sharing my story about how life is as we get older, and how turning 60 was probably the most pivotal moment in my life. I was going to direct you to my ‘about’ page but it’s probably easier to include it here as well.

About me

I’m Dr Denise Taylor, a psychologist, researcher, author, wilderness rites of passage guide and adventurer. In February I spent a couple of weeks living in a Maasai Village. I was part of a group of 5 women who travelled to listen to the women’s’ stories and to participate in village life. I learned so much and will return next year.

I write (unpublished) poetry and non-fiction. My latest book is Rethinking Retirement for Positive Ageing, and the previous was – Find Work at 50+. I write numerous articles and blog posts. This sub stack is to share my thoughts and research on retirement, ageing, and later life more widely. I think it will be interesting and I want a discussion/debate too.

I’ve always been a bit of a rebel, wanting to do my own thing and not being afraid to go out alone, but I had also spent most of my adult life married, and lost who I was.

Aged 60 I separated, we wanted different things. I moved from a barn conversion in the country (it was the house of my dreams, until it wasn’t) to a flat in town and set out to make friends. I didn’t have any ... and it was hard work to make friends. But I did!

I also found out about Vision Quests – a chance to look deeply within ourselves via 4 days, and nights, alone in nature. No tent, no food, no technology. I’ve completed two and became an apprentice vision quest guide, supporting around 50 people. More on this another time.

I gained my doctorate a couple of years ago, aged 64. I’ve been interested in retirement since working as a Welfare Officer for The Post Office back in the 1980s and my research was into how people can find meaning in life after full time work and what are the psychological factors that can help.  (I know, bit of a mouthful, but that’s academia).

Retirement is changing and whilst many want to call it something different, I want to reclaim, reframe (and rethink!) retirement. It’s not cruises, golf, and taking it easy, unless that’s what you want, but a new phase of life where we have more freedom and flexibility to live a life the way we want.

Thanks for reading, and I look forward to the next time.